i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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