I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
third nipple confirmed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
