During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
