The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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