Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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