He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
