I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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