Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
