i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How naked do you want me to be?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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