If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
