The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
