Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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