A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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