i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
