just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
