The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He felt like a one man threesome
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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