Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
