He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
