We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
