I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
