epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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