I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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