I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
