shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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