They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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