when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
