we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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