If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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