Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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