how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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