I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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