Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
