sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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