i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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