Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
