Joe is yelling at the trees again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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