I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
