I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
