Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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