let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
