a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
