our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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