Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
