3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
