I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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