we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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