tonight lets celebrate not being married
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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