Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
