This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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