she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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