do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My vagina is officially offended.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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