I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize