Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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