It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
