i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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