I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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