I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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