I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
