I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
