got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
