Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize