No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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