Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
