and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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