Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
