dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
