he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
