My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
