Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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